Tuesday Musings: Facebook is the Devil

I kid, I kid. Facebook is not, in fact, the devil. But, I do question whether social media in general is a good thing…and it looks like I’m not the only one. A few months ago, a study claimed that Facebook causes depression and isolation. I don’t think an actual study was necessary to prove that point. I’ve lost count of how many frantic calls I’ve gotten from friends that have started with “I was on Facebook,” and ended with some photo or status update about an ex or friend that reduced them to tears. I, too, have been tipped off to quite a bit of disturbing news via social media (“He got MARRIED?!?”). It happens. These “bombshells” can leave you reeling. But, I would argue that even the casual scroll through our newsfeeds can often have a negative effect on us, yet we don’t pick up on it until we’ve been consumed emotionally.

I am by no means a social media “power user.” I’ve never really had a desire to put my personal life on display for all friends and followers to see. I think social media is a great way to keep in touch and disseminate information, but I could take it or leave it. Despite this fact, even I sometimes find myself in the throws of the “cyber-voyeurism” that Facebook and other sites promote. I wish I could tell you that it’s always harmless, but then I wouldn’t be writing a post about it, would I?

My life is unconventional…and by unconventional, I mean very different than what I thought it would be. If you asked me ten years ago what I envisioned for myself in 2013, I would have predicted marriage, 2 kids, a stellar career at a large law firm, and probably some involvement on the creative side of music. I almost laughed out loud while typing that. Instead, I am a single, childless entrepreneur, and I’m not even sure I have a passion for music anymore. Don’t get me wrong. My life isn’t bad. Just different.

Recently, I left my office after what was a great day and had a thought: “you know, I may not have everything I want, and life may have taken all kinds of unexpected turns, but I’m proud of myself. This journey is not easy, but it’s mine, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” It felt good to accept what is and forget about what I thought life should be. THEN I started absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook. What do I see? This friend is engaged. They just got back from their honeymoon. Is that profile pic an actual sonogram photo? OMG, their new house is huge. How did he get hired by that television network? So how many vacations a year does she actually take? You get the idea. All of a sudden, that “I wouldn’t have it any other way” talk seemed like a lie. “You know what, I WOULD have it another way. My life kinda sucks.”

So what caused such a drastic change in my feelings in a matter of minutes? EGO. Ego is the part of you that focuses on everything about you that is different from everyone else. Or in the words of Wayne Dyer, “ego is just a collection of ideas that say, I am what I have, I am what I do, I am what other people think of me, I am separate from everyone else, I am separate from everything missing in my life, I am separate from God.”

For me, everything about my life seemed fine, wonderful even, until I started measuring it against a bunch of other people’s seemingly perfect existence. By comparing my story to someone else’s, I had let ego rule. I let it tell me that I was behind life’s schedule. I bought into the theory of “scarcity”… that there is not enough to go around, and we are all in competition. I allowed ego to convince me that by someone else winning, I had lost. It all sounds pretty ridiculous, now that I think about it.

As twenty-sixers, we’re already hard enough on ourselves. We have a tendency to feel like we should be “farther along” in general. The irony is that even if we had all of those things that we perceive to be out of reach, we still would not be happy if living in an ego-driven state. How do I know this to be true? Because the ego is never satisfied. The minute someone with a “better” life comes along, it starts the process all over again. Hinging our own happiness and satisfaction with life on what is going on with others is a recipe for failure. It can be debilitating. Before you know it, you’ve moved from a place of contentment to jealousy, resentment, and even depression.

Comparing ourselves to others really is a monumental waste of time and energy, but it happens almost naturally. So, how do we cope? First and foremost, we must live in a state of gratitude. No matter how hard life may get, I have to acknowledge that some pretty great things have happened to me over the years, and every day that I get to work toward my dreams is a blessing. I promise you, if you are thankful for what you do have, it not only makes you feel better, but also draws more good into your life. Remember – whatever you feed grows!  Next, find encouragement and inspiration in someone else’s good fortune. It really is a reminder that success is attainable and “if it happened for them, it can happen for me.” Lastly, have a laser-like focus on your own goals and dreams. We often look at someone else’s end result without considering what it took for them to get there. Everyone has a back story, so get to work on yours! If you are working diligently towards those big goals of yours, it is highly unlikely that you have much time to worry about what everyone else is doing.

And if none of that works, take comfort in the fact most of the folks on Facebook are exaggerating about how great their lives are anyway. You’re probably comparing yourself to someone whose ego won’t allow them to be completely honest with themselves or you. Go figure. What story has your ego sold you lately? And how do you plan to rewrite it? Let me know!