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Introducing: The Monday Morning Move

MondayLet’s face it. Mondays can be hard, especially for twenty-sixers who tend to pack way too much into the weekend and forgo proper rest. But the truth of the matter is, Monday sets the tone for the days that follow. Start off on the wrong foot, and your entire week may be thrown. Confession – my Mondays have been a mess lately. Because I have a hard time “unplugging” on the weekends, I typically spend Monday feeling overtired, unfocused, and downright overwhelmed. This then leads to a drop in productivity, and I end up feeling behind for the rest of the week. It is a vicious cycle that has snowballed into missed workouts, pushed deadlines, and stalled projects.  Time to do better!

With that being said, I have instituted “The Monday Morning Move.” Simply put, the MMM is something that I MUST get done on Monday. It is designed to put my week in positive motion. Just like my negative habits have had a significant effect on the other 6 days, I believe positive changes can do the same. The MMM really starts on Sunday because it requires some planning. For me, I knew that if I wanted to successfully accomplish my first MMM, I had to tackle one of my worst habits – going to bed at an obscene hour on Sunday night. I was determined to get to bed on time. I was up by 6:00 AM Sunday morning, halfway through my to-do list by noon, prepped for Monday by 8:30 PM and in bed by 10:00 PM.

My plan was to sleep a full 8 hours, but my body had other ideas. By 2:30 AM, I was WIDE awake. I tried to will myself back to sleep, but it didn’t really work out that way. By 5:00 AM, I gave up and got out of bed. I was definitely frustrated, but I had to acknowledge that I was trying to take my body through a major change in one night. Clearly, it’s going to take  some time to retrain myself. I will admit, I have horrible sleeping patterns. I stay up way too late and get up way too early…which basically means I’m always exhausted. My sleep methods generally fall into two categories: “too little” and “crash and burn after days of too little.” The. Absolute. Worst. In any event, I had to shake off my failed attempt at a full night’s rest and press on. My MMM consisted of a few tasks:

1. 15-minute meditation

2. Work out

3. Clear old emails that I’ve been avoiding

4. Start one legal document that I’ve been putting off

*If spirituality isn’t your thing, you may be rolling your eyes at the first task. I’m not here to shove it down your throat, but trust me, it has its benefits. 

I’m happy to report that I have successfully completed my first MMM! Now, did it all go perfectly? Absolutely not. I spent 20 unplanned minutes looking for my iPod pre-workout. Then, I felt like I was going to die midway through the actual workout (repeats to self: Falling off the wagon is never worth it. Falling off the wagon is never worth it…). And to be perfectly honest, as I write this post, I’m not physically at 100% (hello, headache!). But, emotionally and psychologically, I feel GREAT. Why? because I got it done!

Step Forward

Now, I’m encouraging you to do the same. Try out your own Monday Morning Move. Please don’t try to rewire your entire existence in one day. Take baby steps. You can pick one task, no matter how small. As long as it makes you feel accomplished and points your week in the right direction, mission complete. For some, productivity may not be the issue. I know plenty of really disciplined, hardworking people who are still negatively affected by Mondays. Inspiration may be all you need to get you on the right track. If that’s the case, listen to good music, read positive quotes, or maybe call a supportive friend. Whatever it is, Find the MMM that works for YOU. Lastly, don’t worry if you don’t get it done this morning. As long as you do it today, it’s fair game.

Let me know how it goes! Post your MMM in the comments section. FYI – we’ll be doing this every week. Join the fun, make your move, and get on the path to being extraordinary.

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Not My Problem x 2.

not-my-problem 4A while back, I read this hilarious book called The Broke Diaries by Angela Nissel, a fellow Penn Alum.  In one chapter, she goes into this bit, almost as an aside, about being the “girl who went college” in your community. It is one of the most hilarious explanations I’ve ever read. Partly because it’s so relatable.  There is something about having that label amongst a bunch of people who didn’t go to college. You become the go-to person for every issue, quandary, and general inquiry. I was that girl after graduation. Over the years, my circle became a lot more diverse, and it seemed to die down…until I got a law degree. One would seriously think I was a Pulitzer Prize winning genius with the way people pick my brain. You wouldn’t believe the range of questions I get on a weekly basis – “Hey D, are there five weeks in this month? How long is the drive from NY to Atlanta? Will the Fugees get back together? Who was the 28th President? Can I take both of these medications? Do you have the number for [insert name of public establishment here]? Will the government give me a grant for [insert nonsensical business idea here]?” I’m a pretty patient person, and I don’t mind helping people out where I can, but this drives. me. nuts. Especially when it’s an answer that can be found through a simple internet search, or an area of expertise that I couldn’t possibly know anything about.[i]

I once asked a friend, “Why do people think I know everything?” Her response: “Because you do.” Granted, I know a lot of random information. It’s a byproduct of the whole serial researcher thing. But that doesn’t give people the right to treat me like their real-life personal Google. Especially, since I’m kind of busy, you know, being a lawyer and all.

One day, not too long ago, I was at my wits’ end. I was being pulled in a thousand different directions, a bunch of people were demanding my attention and making unrealistic requests. Needless to say, none of these people were paying clients of mine. I called a trusted friend/advisor and unloaded: “I’m so sick of people thinking I’m their savior! I’m exhausted and overextended. I have a ton of work to do, and they have the audacity to want me to be at their beck and call, then get pissed off when I can’t. Well you know what pisses ME off. The fact that I can never get that kind of support in return.” The friend was quiet for a moment, then replied rather nonchalantly, “Well, you know you can’t really point the finger at them, right? This is your doing.” At this point, she was making me more annoyed – “How can you say this is my doing. Are you saying that I’m using this for some sort of validation? Don’t try to psychoanalyze me. That is not it at all.” Then I went into lawyer mode, supporting my argument with 5 other concrete reasons why she was wrong. We had a healthy debate, but I ended up seeing her point. I needed to take responsibility for my part in creating the dynamic between me and others.

That dialogue got me thinking. Why was I allowing people to drain me in that way? Why was I taking on other people’s burdens so much. I can be a bleeding heart at times, but I’m no pushover…and I’m still clear that I am not seeking validation by playing savior to many. So what gives? It took me a few days, but it finally clicked. 26ers generally aren’t lazy people. It is very difficult for us to just forgo responsibility in exchange for lying around. But we will avoid it if we have to. How, you ask? By directing that energy towards someone else’s problem. The constant need to address another person’s issue is feeding something in you, be it fear, procrastination, or some other negative trait.

Think about it.  What sounds more noble? “I didn’t work towards my own goal this week because I just couldn’t find the motivation or was afraid to take a step,” or “I didn’t work towards my own goal because I was too busy catering to everyone else’s needs.” You get the idea. It’s great to help others, but unless you’re gunning for sainthood, you might want to reconsider how much of your time you freely throw give away. Be careful not to use goodwill as a crutch, or you might end up well-liked, but not very well-accomplished. The next time you find yourself in this predicament – feeling almost obligated to help others at the expense of your own dreams – remember this phrase: Not My Problem (times 2). Why twice? Keep reading.

1. When someone approaches you with that false sense of urgency and acts like the world will end if you don’t help them, remind yourself, “their needs are not my problem.”

2. If and when you find yourself complaining about how everyone else’s demands are keeping you from making progress, tell yourself, “these perceived external forces are not my problem. Fear is.” Or “lack of motivation is”…or whatever other self-imposed obstacle is standing your way.

Truth be told, nobody is stopping you from realizing your dreams…unless you count yourself. It’s time to pull the covers off your escapist techniques and be a little selfish. That’s right, focus on you, because “they” really aren’t your problem.


[i] And while we’re on this subject and in the middle of tax season, I am NOT an accountant. Now, can everyone who knows me personally stop asking about their deductions and credits?? Thanks in advance.

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Put a Pot of Rice On

Nana CookingFour years ago today, my beloved grandmother passed away at the age of 67, roughly five weeks before my law school graduation. I was devastated. The story of her transition is one that I still cannot fully recount without falling apart, so I’ll spare you the details here. But, there is a reason why I’ve chosen to launch this site on the anniversary of her death and the hardest day of the year for me. I usually spend April 9th battling intense feelings of loss and grief, but I’ve decided that misery is no way to pay homage to the greatest earthly source of love and light that I have yet to encounter. Instead, I believe the best way to honor her legacy is to be a living example of what it means to lead an extraordinary life even on the darkest of days. With that being said, welcome to December 26er (if you’re not sure what the site is all about, learn more here). I’m not good with long introductions, so let’s jump right into it.

We often think of death as a finite event. I mean, while various religions and spiritual belief systems promote life after death, it’s hard to deny how gut-wrenching the end of an earthly connection with someone can be. It is a very real void that I’m still working through. But having to move through life with only the recollections of my grandmother has brought all kinds of lessons that I may have not otherwise gotten. For example, the other day, one particular memory popped into mind.

I was cooking dinner, something I do a lot more often now that I have to keep a business and home financially afloat. Just as I was turning down a pot of rice, I thought about her. My grandmother, or “nana” as I liked to call her, was an AMAZING cook, and everyone knew it. She always had an open door policy, so it was not uncommon for neighbors and friends to stop by for a meal at random. Nana’s culinary repertoire was vast, but no matter what was being served, there almost always seemed to be a large batch of white rice being kept warm in the oldest, most banged up pot imaginable on the back burner of stove. Everyone in the house would feed off that rice, and whatever was left over at the end of the night would be thrown out back for the birds’ morning meal.

I loved the stuff as a kid, so I never thought anything of it (I now know that no one should be eating that much rice, but I digress). As I got older, however, I realized how tight things were for my grandparents financially. My grandfather had fallen ill and gone blind years prior, and my grandmother was the main breadwinner. That pot of rice was not a delicacy. It was a NECESSITY… a way to stretch meals and ensure everyone had enough to eat. Now, years later, as I stood in my own kitchen, stressed as always about business and personal concerns, budgets and the like, it all clicked: “You’ve got to put a pot of rice on, Delisha.” In other words, “you have to be resourceful!”

When I talk to friends and colleagues about life goals and dreams, a common thread is often what we don’t have, but need in order to achieve. This kind of negative talk causes a domino effect. We become so focused on what we think is outside of our grasp, yet oh so necessary, that we fail to notice and utilize all the resources we do have. Here is the hard truth.  There will always be more “out there” that would make your journey a little easier – more money, more advice, more connections, more talent. You name it. But if you don’t have “more,” crying foul and playing victim isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’ve got to put your own pot of rice on. You have to take stock of every gift, idea, person, and opportunity within reach and make it work for you. Get creative. Do the work. What you have may not be much, but it’s enough to get started and will likely take you much farther than you think. Do this, and I promise, at some point, you’ll look back and realize that you never even needed more.

What dream or goal have you dismissed or delayed due to a perceived lack of resources? Leave a comment explaining how you plan put your own pot of rice on to get back on track!

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