Epiphanies

Blog July 16, 2013

Tuesday Musings: The Detox Diaries

It is no secret that I am big on health and wellness. I wouldn’t call myself obsessive, but I am a firm believer that if you are good to your body, your body will be a good to you. Despite all of my efforts to eat right and exercise, I still haven’t felt 100% myself in recent months. A friend suggested that I try one of those green drink powders. She didn’t have to sell me on the benefits, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled over the idea. I’m familiar with pretty much every hot, new magic energy concoction on the market. I had been down the “green” road before…and quit after a few days. “It’s the wheat grass in those mixes,” I told her. “Gives me blinding headaches while it detoxifies my body. Can’t do it.” She pushed the issue: “Check out the one that I’ve been taking. The first week was rough, but I feel amazing! Plus, I don’t think there’s wheat grass in it.”

It took me nearly a month to get around to ordering them, but I eventually gave it a shot. Though I had yet to feel any benefit, after a couple of headache-free days, I thought this mix might be the answer to my problems. Spoke. Too. Soon. I woke up on day 3 feeling like I had been hit by a bus…achy, weak, and unable to think clearly. The absolute worst. At first I thought I was coming down with some kind of summer flu (does that even exist?). After doing a little research, I put two and two together. Detox. Again. But this time it was so much worse. A headache would have been a cakewalk compared to this.

As much as I wanted to stay in bed, I had clients and interns to tend to. With a jam-packed calendar, there wasn’t a rest day in sight; but I was determined to let the process run its course this time, no matter what. The next 5 days were complete and utter torture. At one point, I even let my interns go home early because I couldn’t even focus long enough to answer their questions. My appetite was all over the map. I would find myself starving, then end up taking only a few bites of a meal. I would come home at night, fall on the couch, and just lie there until I had the energy to actually move to another room.

Then it happened. I woke up one morning before the alarm clock and literally hopped out of bed. I was totally fine. In fact, I felt better than I had felt in very long time. Just like that, I was done with detox. I couldn’t believe it. Since then, my productivity and energy levels have been through the roof. I’m so desperate to keep this up that I am now slightly paranoid about eating or drinking anything that may pollute my system. It is not always easy, but I couldn’t be happier to enter the next level of clean living.

I have been on a natural high for the last few days. I attributed it to just being so happy about not feeling sick. Then I started to reflect on the last 18 months and realized that something a lot more significant was in motion. This physical transformation was the last step in what had been a full-life detox. I realized early last year that I needed to make some life changes. I had already left my passionless job, but I knew there was more work to be done. For quite a while, my entire life had felt “left of center.” Everything seemed sort of lopsided…like I was putting more good out into the world than I was getting back. Certain friendships left me feeling drained. Clients were abusing my generosity. Creative projects were uninspiring. And I was generally unfulfilled. So, I decided to “clean house.”

I made a commitment to myself to reframe every relationship and circumstance that incited negative feelings in me, or do away with them altogether. I started having very candid conversations with those around me. I was honest about what wasn’t working. I parted ways with certain people, both in my personal and professional lives, when they just didn’t get it. I surrendered artistic endeavors that weren’t clicking. I gave up trying to force any and everything, and decided to just be. Before I knew it, I had walked away from everyone and everything that did not make make me happy. It was liberating. And then there was radio silence. “What now?” I thought. “Great. I went from feeling unfulfilled to completely free to now stagnant.”

The process of detoxing my life was not easy. There is a reason that people hold onto not-so-great situations for so long. Sometimes, it feels like something is better than nothing. And “nothing” is exactly what I ran into. I will not lie – I went through a brief depression. I fell into all of the negative feelings that often plague twenty-sixers during the mundane periods of life. One of the hardest parts of this process for me was facing accusations that I’d “changed” and not for the better…accusations that were not said to my face, but to other people or via the holy grail of 21st century passive aggression – social media. Yes, that really happened. By people over thirty. You’re not alone…it boggled my mind too. But much like my recent physical detox, I was determined to ride it out and rebuild my life…no matter what people thought about me. And just like that physical detox, at some point, things got better. New friends showed up, friends who were supportive, encouraging, and catalysts for positive change. Bigger and better clients found me. New ideas started flowing. And I felt empowered and at peace. I was finally playing by my own set of rules and felt no need to apologize for it.

If your life is not what you want it to be, it is fully within your realm of control to incite change. Take the reigns and begin your own personal detox. Zero in on what you really desire for yourself, then find the parasites – the things (and people) that take away from who you really are and suck the very life out of those desires. Then devise a plan to eradicate all of that negativity. Simply put, if it doesn’t build you up or make you better in any way, it must go. It will not be easy. It may drain you. It may leave you feeling sick with regret. It may even make you question your own decision-making ability. But stay the course. At some point, the fear of change will dissipate, and you will awaken to the power of possibility. Possibility will eventually lead to opportunity, and before you know it, the pain of your transition will be nothing more than a distant memory. If you doubt that you have the strength to see it through to the end, I’m already cheering you on. You’re worth it. You deserve it. Make the decision, and I’ll be here to help you along the way.

Blog July 2, 2013

Tuesday Musings: Gut Check on Deck

I always chuckle when an acquaintance asks me, “So you’re still an entrepreneur? And what do you do for money?” I’m not sure if they think it’s impossible to make a living as a business owner, or if they think I’m a pretend solo attorney. But, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had this conversation or one similar to it. Deciding to hang up my “employee” hat and launch my own practice is one of a few drastic decisions I’ve made in life, and with every one, I’ve been met with questions like those above – you know, the kind of loaded inquiries that leave you confused as to whether you should be offended or amused. While I’ve learned to take people’s “daggers in disguise” with a grain of salt, that wasn’t always the case.

When I decided to leave my old firm, a lot of people didn’t get it. Same goes for when I made the decision to turn down that post-law-school job offer to come to New York. In both instances, for every one person who was incredibly supportive, there were about five who simply didn’t understand what I was doing with my life. For a while there, I felt like I had to defend those choices. Thankfully, the need to explain myself and the desire for unanimous public approval are long gone. Or so I thought.

In recent months, I’ve had some pretty great things happen to me professionally…events and opportunities that confirmed that I’m on the right track and not, in fact, absolutely insane. While I was reveling in the sheer joy of winning at life for once, I had a thought: “Wait until everything I’m working on is revealed. It’s going to feel so great to prove people wrong.” Then I actually imagined all of those early naysayers staring at some press release or social media post with a look of shock (*cue evil laugh*). Whoa. Suddenly all my new-found euphoria seemed somewhat vengeful. Then came a different kind of internal dialogue. Why could I immediately recall those naysayers and every negative thing they had to say? Because clearly while I was ignoring them outwardly, I was quietly internalizing all their useless commentary.

Now, I had to do my own personal gut check. I had to reassess what my primary motivation for success is. For the most part, I am driven by passion and divine purpose. But could it be that there was a small part of me that was motivated by proving people wrong? The answer was a resounding YES…and I was NOT okay with that. I know some of you may be thinking, “Hey, wanting to silence your critics is healthy motivation. Nothing wrong with it.” I can see why you feel that way, but I have to disagree. I am a firm believer that you invite into your life whatever you focus on intently. So with every thought of “I’ll show them” comes a subconscious acknowledgment that “I still have something to prove,” and “people don’t respect, accept, or value what I do.” And with every acknowledgement comes an open invitation to people and circumstances that will reinforce these negative ideas. Simply put, send feelings of opposition and defiance into the world, and that is exactly what you’re going to get back.

Here’s the hard truth: the thing about making an unpopular decision for your own life is that everyone else may not see it was the right one for years. If you’re currently in the often very long “building phase” of any dream or goal, engage in your very own gut check. Check your motives. If you find that you’re even the slightest bit driven by proving someone wrong, deal with it now. Every time those contentious thoughts or feelings creep up, replace them with a self-affirming one. Get clear on what you value about yourself and what you have to offer the world. The further you can get into that head and heart space, the less your critics will matter, and the quicker you’ll get to where you’re trying to go. Doesn’t that sound like a much more worthwhile end result than beating someone at their own toxic game? Until next time…

Blog April 9, 2013

Put a Pot of Rice On

Four years ago today, my beloved grandmother passed away at the age of 67, roughly five weeks before my law school graduation. I was devastated. The story of her transition is one that I still cannot fully recount without falling apart, so I’ll spare you the details here. But, there is a reason why I’ve chosen to launch this site on the anniversary of her death and the hardest day of the year for me. I usually spend April 9^th battling intense feelings of loss and grief, but I’ve decided that misery is no way to pay homage to the greatest earthly source of love and light that I have yet to encounter. Instead, I believe the best way to honor her legacy is to be a living example of what it means to lead an extraordinary life even on the darkest of days. With that being said, welcome to December 26er (if you’re not sure what the site is all about, learn more here). I’m not good with long introductions, so let’s jump right into it.

We often think of death as a finite event. I mean, while various religions and spiritual belief systems promote life after death, it’s hard to deny how gut-wrenching the end of an earthly connection with someone can be. It is a very real void that I’m still working through. But having to move through life with only the recollections of my grandmother has brought all kinds of lessons that I may have not otherwise gotten. For example, the other day, one particular memory popped into mind.

I was cooking dinner, something I do a lot more often now that I have to keep a business and home financially afloat. Just as I was turning down a pot of rice, I thought about her. My grandmother, or “nana” as I liked to call her, was an AMAZING cook, and everyone knew it. She always had an open door policy, so it was not uncommon for neighbors and friends to stop by for a meal at random. Nana’s culinary repertoire was vast, but no matter what was being served, there almost always seemed to be a large batch of white rice being kept warm in the oldest, most banged up pot imaginable on the back burner of stove. Everyone in the house would feed off that rice, and whatever was left over at the end of the night would be thrown out back for the birds’ morning meal.

I loved the stuff as a kid, so I never thought anything of it (I now know that no one should be eating that much rice, but I digress). As I got older, however, I realized how tight things were for my grandparents financially. My grandfather had fallen ill and gone blind years prior, and my grandmother was the main breadwinner. That pot of rice was not a delicacy. It was a NECESSITY… a way to stretch meals and ensure everyone had enough to eat. Now, years later, as I stood in my own kitchen, stressed as always about business and personal concerns, budgets and the like, it all clicked: “You’ve got to put a pot of rice on, Delisha.” In other words, “you have to be resourceful!”

When I talk to friends and colleagues about life goals and dreams, a common thread is often what we don’t have, but need in order to achieve. This kind of negative talk causes a domino effect. We become so focused on what we think is outside of our grasp, yet oh so necessary, that we fail to notice and utilize all the resources we do have. Here is the hard truth. There will always be more “out there” that would make your journey a little easier – more money, more advice, more connections, more talent. You name it. But if you don’t have “more,” crying foul and playing victim isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’ve got to put your own pot of rice on. You have to take stock of every gift, idea, person, and opportunity within reach and make it work for you. Get creative. Do the work. What you have may not be much, but it’s enough to get started and will likely take you much farther than you think. Do this, and I promise, at some point, you’ll look back and realize that you never even needed more.

What dream or goal have you dismissed or delayed due to a perceived lack of resources? Leave a comment explaining how you plan put your own pot of rice on to get back on track!