Tuesday Musings: The Detox Diaries

It is no secret that I am big on health and wellness. I wouldn’t call myself obsessive, but I am a firm believer that if you are good to your body, your body will be a good to you. Despite all of my efforts to eat right and exercise, I still haven’t felt 100% myself in recent months. A friend suggested that I try one of those green drink powders. She didn’t have to sell me on the benefits, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled over the idea. I’m familiar with pretty much every hot, new magic energy concoction on the market. I had been down the “green” road before…and quit after a few days. “It’s the wheat grass in those mixes,” I told her. “Gives me blinding headaches while it detoxifies my body. Can’t do it.” She pushed the issue: “Check out the one that I’ve been taking. The first week was rough, but I feel amazing! Plus, I don’t think there’s wheat grass in it.”

It took me nearly a month to get around to ordering them, but I eventually gave it a shot. Though I had yet to feel any benefit, after a couple of headache-free days, I thought this mix might be the answer to my problems. Spoke. Too. Soon. I woke up on day 3 feeling like I had been hit by a bus…achy, weak, and unable to think clearly. The absolute worst. At first I thought I was coming down with some kind of summer flu (does that even exist?). After doing a little research, I put two and two together. Detox. Again. But this time it was so much worse. A headache would have been a  cakewalk compared to this.

As much as I wanted to stay in bed, I had clients and interns to tend to. With a jam-packed calendar, there wasn’t a rest day in sight; but I was determined to let the process run its course this time, no matter what. The next 5 days were complete and utter torture. At one point, I even let my interns go home early because I couldn’t even focus long enough to answer their questions. My appetite was all over the map. I would find myself starving, then end up taking only a few bites of a meal.  I would come home at night, fall on the couch, and just lie there until I had the energy to actually move to another room.

Then it happened. I woke up one morning before the alarm clock and literally hopped out of bed. I was totally fine. In fact, I felt better than I had felt in very long time. Just like that, I was done with detox. I couldn’t believe it. Since then, my productivity and energy levels have been through the roof. I’m so desperate to keep this up that I am now slightly paranoid about eating or drinking anything that may pollute my system. It is not always easy, but I couldn’t be happier to enter the next level of clean living.

I have been on a natural high for the last few days. I attributed it to just being so happy about not feeling sick. Then I started to reflect on the last 18 months and realized that something a lot more significant was in motion. This physical transformation was the last step in what had been  a full-life detox. I realized early last year that I needed to make some life changes. I had already left my passionless job, but I knew there was more work to be done. For quite a while, my entire life had felt “left of center.” Everything seemed sort of lopsided…like I was putting more good out into the world than I was getting back.   Certain friendships left me feeling drained. Clients were abusing my generosity. Creative projects were uninspiring.  And I was generally unfulfilled. So, I decided to “clean house.”

I made a commitment to myself to reframe every relationship and circumstance that incited negative feelings in me, or do away with them altogether. I started having very candid conversations with those around me. I was honest about what wasn’t working. I parted ways with certain people, both in my personal and professional lives, when they just didn’t get it. I surrendered artistic endeavors that weren’t clicking. I gave up trying to force any and everything, and decided to just be. Before I knew it, I had walked away from everyone and everything that did not make make me happy. It was liberating. And then there was radio silence. “What now?” I thought. “Great. I went from feeling unfulfilled  to completely free to now stagnant.”

The process of detoxing my life was not easy. There is a reason that people hold onto not-so-great situations for so long. Sometimes, it feels like something is better than nothing. And “nothing” is exactly what I ran into. I will not lie – I went through a brief depression. I fell into all of the negative feelings that often plague twenty-sixers during the mundane periods of life. One of the hardest parts of this process for me was facing accusations that I’d “changed” and not for the better…accusations that were not said to my face, but to other people or via the holy grail of 21st century passive aggression – social media. Yes, that really happened. By people over thirty. You’re not alone…it boggled my mind too. But much like my recent physical detox, I was determined to ride it out and rebuild my life…no matter what people thought about me. And just like that physical detox, at some point, things got better. New friends showed up, friends who were supportive, encouraging, and catalysts for positive change. Bigger and better clients found me. New ideas started flowing. And I felt empowered and at peace. I was  finally playing by my own set of rules and felt no need to apologize for it.

If your life is not what you want it to be, it is fully within your realm of control to incite change. Take the reigns and begin your own personal detox. Zero in on what you really desire for yourself, then find the parasites – the things (and people) that take away from who you really are and suck the very life out of those desires. Then devise a plan to eradicate all of that negativity. Simply put, if it doesn’t build you up or make you better in any way, it must go. It will not be easy. It may drain you. It may leave you feeling sick with regret. It may even make you question your own decision-making ability. But stay the course. At some point, the fear of change will dissipate, and you will awaken to the power of possibility. Possibility will eventually lead to opportunity, and before you know it, the pain of  your transition will be nothing more than a distant memory. If you doubt that you have the strength to see it through to the end, I’m already cheering you on. You’re worth it. You deserve it. Make the decision, and I’ll be here to help you along the way.